never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
pop tarts are not kleenex
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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