he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
