I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
