At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
