Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
