i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
