I'm lost and stupid without you.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
