its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
