We're facebook friends in real life
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
