just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
