I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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