What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
