I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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