I didn't shave. On purpose
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think your dad took our porno
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
