i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
