Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
