You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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