They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
