we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
