It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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