So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
