I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
