and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
