I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
