There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
