I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
