3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
