Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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