I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And then my night got REAL pukey
ok first of all what the fuck
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
