Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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