I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
