people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
