**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
