I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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