You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
