ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You were trust falling into bushes
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
