I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize