my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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