it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
