I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
