i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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