erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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