6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
