Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
