She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
