I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm at about main and main street
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
