Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
