Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
