i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
