i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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