He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
