I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
only if we run a train.
done.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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