The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
