Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
