in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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