No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
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