But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
