I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
