I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
