Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
