I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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