1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
