Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
